A Case Study in Desire

One book's prolonged birth pangs

Photo by Erol Ahmed on Unsplash

I wrote an essay last year exploring “the role that grit plays in predicting and shaping who will succeed as a career author…and who will walk away from it all…”

I’ve had many reasons to walk away over the last decade or so. Take your pick: Depression. Rage. Frustration. Anxiety. Low self-esteem. High self-doubt.

It’s easy to show up here on Substack (and elsewhere) and perform all sorts of acts of encouragement, for my own sake as well as yours.

It’s harder to articulate what “living gritty” really feels like, day to day. What it’s like, that is, to live with low spirits when you have no idea when the countervailing high spirits will arrive. If ever.

Dedicating oneself to a creative life is no picnic.

Social media feeds off the euphoric highs. Rarely will the algorithm serve us a writer or an artist in the real-time depths of despair. What we see, much of the time, does not accurately reflect who we are, how we live—and how we’re honestly feeling.

As a result, the gritty side of our existence, our ways of coping with genuine challenges, whether psychological or otherwise, is hidden away. We can always find a write-along group; we’re hard pressed to find the I’m-thinking-of-chucking-it-in group. (I’m referring to creative suicide, not life-ending impulses.)

I’m bringing the unseen side of grit out into the open by offering myself as a case study in survival. I’ve kept my dream of being a writer (specifically, a novelist) alive when all the signs suggested there was little to no hope of this coming true.

How did I do that?

It’s ridiculously simple.

I refused to quit. I refused to stop believing in myself and my writing. I refused to allow a mountain of rejections be the last word.

Call it stubbornness. I prefer to call it desire. My desire to write books, and have somebody read them, is stronger than all the evidence coming my way suggesting this was a stupid plan—unworkable and unrealistic.

My case study is a travelogue, of sorts—one novel’s unlikely journey to publication. This simplified timeline helps to tell the story.

The Making of TENT CITY

I was on the verge of giving up entirely; of allowing TENT CITY to sit in the proverbial drawer forever, perhaps only to be discovered after my death.

But I just could not let go.

And you know what helped, beside my stubborn desire to keep hope alive?

Writing another novel (more than one, actually, omitted from the table) that got published. And landing those book deals boosted my confidence. I decided I wasn’t such a crappy writer, after all! The right home for TENT CITY was out there; it was up to me to find it.

The moral of the story is obvious. I won’t belabor it.

But I urge you to remember that you, and you alone, have control over how, whether, and when to pursue an artistic goal. The outside world will shout back at you, maybe even shout you down.

But you get the last word.

Always.

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An Anniversary…

WRANGLING THE DOUBT MONSTER: FIGHTING FEARS, FINDING INSPIRATION turns one year old!

If you’re a creative person, this is still the book you need to get inspired and feel seen as an artist. (The audiobook is a really fast “listen.”)

And take the DOUBT DECODER QUIZ to learn how self-doubt affects all aspects of daily living. (You may be surprised!) We’re publishing new findings in 2026—and I’d love to include your responses (anonymously, of course).

And a Birthday…

My new novel, TENT CITY, is available on pre-order!

An action-packed family saga involving an economic apocalypse.

Does the end of prosperity start at home?

A striving family. A collapsing economy. A tragic death. In Tent City, everyone must confront their demons in the struggle to survive.